May 03
Demetri’s pie chart about procrastination
Demetri Martin is a Mad Genius! He’s got a great sort of geeky comedic style similar to Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg. One-liners that sort of come at you sideways. Here are a few of my favorite Demetri Martin Quotes:
- I never had to pluralize dildoes before. I don’t know if that’s right, looks like ‘dil does’. I hope I never have to again, like at a deposition or something. How many dildoes were there? I dunno, but I’m sore and I want to go home.
- I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
- I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
- My computer beat me at chess, but then I beat him at kick-boxing.
- Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
- ‘Finger Puppet’ sounds ok as a noun.
- You can say Thanks, and you can say Thanks a Million - but any number in between? uhuh.
- I wanna put stickers on turtles. I don’t know why.
- I’ve met many Chocoholics, but I aint never seen no Chocohol.
- Hiking is just walking were it’s ok to pee.
Demetri Martin: Person
Here are some other sites where you can find more Demetri Martin Quotes:
- IMDB has a great list of quotes. “Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ballgown.”
- There a few Demetri Martin quotes in this collection. “Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. Are you Cinnamon Buns? You bet your sweet ass I am.”
- The Musings of an Overactive Mind appreciates a good Demetri joke, too. “When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.”